Friday, November 21, 2008

Loneliness (2)

Rafael woke up in his bed. It was still dark outside what he thought was a good thing. He have been waking up too late for the past weeks and that took his energy out. The thought of how late it was to do anything relevant kept him from executing the most simple tasks. Today was different, it was early. At least early enough for taking a good breakfast and finally clean the apartment and do the laundry.

He stood up, stretching for a minute or two. He felt good, ready. Went to the toilet to wash his face and he looked at his computer. "I'll just check something before I start...". Poor Rafael. He knew that in truth that was weakness. The great escape he always had from doing his chores and thinking about the reality he had placed himself in. He sat by the notebook at the corner of his room and started checking e-mail, virtual communities, forums, cartoons, tv-series, news. Anything was a reason for him to stay a few more minutes on that chair.


He knew about that but... there is always one more small thing to check, to answer, to watch. You don't need a lot of effort to find your dreams coming true on the web. And that dragged him away from anything he actually had to do. At some point his hunger eventually led him to the fridge just to find it empty. One week without buying anything. Maybe more? He didn't know. He didn't care. Went back to the computer to let himself be dragged again.


Another hour or so until he finally took a shower. It was late in the afternoon already when he finally felt like going out to buy food. His stomach hurt. He dressed up and looked on the mirror.
- How long don't you shave? Is it really me? I don't know you anymore... - He said to himself while looking at his image. - What's going with you? How long don't you see someone else? You have been in your room for days now! You gotta do something. I have to do something! That's it! Now it starts a new phase! - He smiled. Not for real but to convince himself of that fragile selfconfidence. He had to hold on to whatever he could.
And with that he set off to the supermarket, into the cold, harsh windy weather that sucked the warmth even from his soul, nullifying all his effort. From the minute he stepped outside, only thing on his mind was to finish the shopping so he could go back into his room.

2 comments:

Laura Jayne said...

"Poor Rafael. He knew that in truth that was weakness. The great escape he always had from doing his chores and thinking about the reality he had placed himself in."

I can so sympathize with Rafael as I sit here in bed reading blogs.

Shawn Michel de Montaigne said...

I can sympathize with Raphael. I've done the same thing!

The best to you and this blog. It looks great!